Yo dont text me then not text me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
