I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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