We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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