I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
