yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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