I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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