I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
