And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't turn off my feet"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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