I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
More tranny stories later!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
