if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
