if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
