Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
