Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
