you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
