3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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