Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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