The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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