I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
