Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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