so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
