then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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