Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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