Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
