the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
