Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So squirting runs in the family.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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