i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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