but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
