he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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