I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
