I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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