OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There r osticjed everywhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
