I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
