i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
