I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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