I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
