No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
