I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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