Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
