so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
