sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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