Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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