This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
