I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
