i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
