No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
