We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
two words...techno handjob
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
