If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
