So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
