he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
