We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
