The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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