well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
