Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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