Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
