Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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