We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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