I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
