I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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