We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
