I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
