i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
