if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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