I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
