You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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