I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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