I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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