it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
